Appalling high divorce rate in modern societies is hollowing the roots of social fabric like termite. Unfortunately, happily married couple’s life turns into a mourning song from eulogy within few months after marriage. First, starts blame-game which ends on divorce. No doubt, it’s a very painful and soul-shattering juncture of life. According to Ernest Hemingway, an American novelist, “ Failure of marriage is failure of life”. Courts are full with such cases where ex lovebirds ambitiously participate to expose each other and publicly auction their privacy, which is greater than any Shakespearean tragedy. WHY? In my humble opinion, following are some factors which are primarily responsible for this diabolical trend.

Materialism:

In capitalistic societies definition of success has changed. Modern man is ready to sacrifice his blissful matrimonial life in the altar of professional success. He works like a bull from dawn to dusk to meet the infinite parameters of materialistic success, which is based on comparison and competition. He is ready to lose one bird which is in the hand to catch the two birds in the bush due to confused list of priorities. According to Holy Prophet (SAW), “Things should be used and people should be loved. When people will start loving things and using people; the balance of life will be disturbed”.

Parameters of Marriage:

In modern societies; character, ethics, family background, individuality, fair means of earning (rizka halal), aesthetic sense have lost their significance as the decisive parameters to judge the credibility of a suitor. Now the whole emphasis is on strong financial muscles. Karl Marx, a visionary economist and social scientist, predicted in his historical book The Capital, “Human relations will be determined by economic muscles”. In such situation, marriage has become a bargain between two purchasable commodities not a sacred agreement between two individuals. We establish relation on personalities and later on we break relation on character. The only antidote to this problem is to reverse this equation.

Blind Race of Comparison and Competition

Thanklessness and discontentment are part and parcel of human nature. To resist against temptation is very difficult for a human-being. Our standard of comparison is very absurd which is purely based on materialism e.g. we start comparing the income of a teacher with a banker, singer, businessman etc. Ultimately, we become hopeless and depressed due to our self-created inferiority complex. We don’t understand that our deficiency is the quality of others. We are part of a dynamic energy system. Energy that moves faster dissolves and nullifies slower-moving energy.  

                              “Everyone is born genius, but the process of living degeniuses us”

                                                                                          (Buckminster Fuller)

In simple words, husband starts comparing her wife with ‘successful’ wives of his friends, relatives, colleagues, TV models, movie actress and wife starts comparing her husband with her ‘successful’ father, brothers, brothers-in-law, husbands of her friends etc.They do not realize that there is a huge difference life’s movie and movie’s life. As greater energy attracts smaller energy, both of them separates in futile search of their ideals which is only a mirage.

                        “A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval”

                                                                                  (Mark Twain)

Confusion In Rights and Duties 

According to their rights and duties, biological and intellectual limitations of male and female are specified by nature. Today, both are over conscious about their rights and ignorant about their duties. Male and female-chauvinism have become a dominant force. Modern woman is demanding her rights from the paradigm of male. For her management of domestic affairs is a trivial, thankless and ‘unknown’ job. She wants to participate in male-dominating race of money-minting full of recognition, ‘honor’, fame and recognition. She is not ready to ‘waste’ her time as “docile-serving maid” in house. On the other hand males are looking for highly educated + exceptionally gorgeous + domesticated+ civilized+ affluent+ working woman+ caring mother+ loving  daughter-in-law+ stress absorber+ enthusiastic sex partner = WIFE  sort of equation. For a peaceful domestic life, females should accept the natural supremacy of males and males should respect the silent services of females. Both of them should treat their partner as human-being, neither angel nor beast.

High Expectations

Being well-trained not well-educated, modern youth thinks that marriage is just like a ladder which will provide them a ‘short-cut’ in achieving professional success and future security. Especially youth of lower middle-class is the victim of such mentality. This bent of mind gives birth to high expectations and when those unachievable and unrealistic expectations are punctured by this cruel world, ultimate result is divorce or miserable married life. Hazrat Ali (R.A), fourth caliph of Muslims, says, “People do not hurt us; it is the high level of expectations related to them which hurts us” .So, it is in our hand to make our life as simple as 2+2=4 or as complicated as arrays of Matrix. Remember, there will be no Divine intervention in that decision. Only we have to take it!

Role of Media  

In this age of globalization, role of media has become very strong. Unstoppable flood of vulgarity and nudity is directly rampaging family life. In the name of entertainment, different channels and web-sites are converting modern societies into sex-phobic mobs. Most easily available and cheapest ‘luxury’ is SEX. After getting fed-up from opposite sex, homosexuality and lesbianism are common. In such obnoxious atmosphere, spouses get fed-up from each other very soon; and proceed to explore new ‘option’. This vicious circle never ends. Even during physical intercourse, they visualize someone else and as a result give birth to a confused and frustrated generation.

                   “Anxiety is the mark of spiritual insecurity”

                                                                   (Thomas Merton)

Media can play a very constructive role through movies, dramas, talk shows, documentaries based on elopement cases, life after divorce, how to resist against temptation, how to keep balance between two extremes, how we can be ideal trend-setters for our coming generation?

Family Interference

It is very important factor in sub-continent culture. Traditional rivalry between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law makes the life of man pathetic. In frustration, he decides to leave one of them and mostly wife becomes the ‘sacrificial-goat’ in this dramatic story which is purely a ‘home-production’. Both females try to run that ‘earning-machine’ and to ride that ‘willing-donkey’ through their lethal weapon ‘emotional-blackmailing’. Ultimately, he crumbles. Higher ratio of widows as compared to widowers is an obvious proof of this fact. If mother-in-law and daughter-in-law erase ‘in-law’ from their relation, this self-created problem can be solved easily and life will run as smooth as BMW on highway: full of peace, trust, contentment, harmony and companionship. Law of nemesis is a universal truth; today’s mother-in-law was daughter-in-law in past, and today’s daughter-in-law will be mother-in-law of future. Modern woman does not realize that a person who can leave his old relations for her sake is a light-weight character. One day he will leave these old relations for the sake of some new relations.

DEAR READERS! Bill Gates like wealth, Julia Roberts like stunning beauty, Barrack Obama like power , Aristotle like intelligence, Kant like philosophies, Louis Pasteur like discoveries, Mother Teresa like philanthropy, Nelson Mandela like determination, Jinnah like political vision, Churchill like oratory and Tiger Wood like accuracy look futile IF  our matrimonial life is disturbed or God forbid millions times failed. It is the most precious blessing of Almighty. For me, it is the only parameter to judge the ‘real success’ of both male and female and especially male. Marriage is nothing but a long series of responsibilities which have to be fulfilled by both partners. It’s only a new chapter of life not the whole life but all chapters of life are closely knitted with this chapter. If this relation is based only on ‘LOVE’, it will definitely fail because love creates apprehensions, with passage of time they will turn into doubts, doubts will create mistrust, mistrust will create communication gap and one day that volcano will erupt and lovebirds will become lovelorn. Just learn to RESPECT each other because love can be temporary but respect is forever. In the relation of teacher-student, respect dominates love, that’s why it’s permanent and doesn’t break even in physical separation.

                    “Don’t make relation before understanding and don’t break relation

                       after misunderstanding”

                                                            (Buddha)